My Ginsu Day From Hell

Well, I finally made it to Montreal for my annual ICAR meeting. but I’m almost afraid to leave the room.

Oh ya, it has been a Ginsu kind of day. You know, you’re watching TV and the commercial comes on that wants to sell you a set of Ginsu knives and every time you think it is over they say, “But WAIT! That’s not all” And they sweeten the deal with a 32 ” flat screen for twelve bucks more.

From the moment last night that I didn’t sleep when I realized that they had lowered Baggage weight allowances causing me to leave behind all but the very basic possibilities, to the starter that went out on my truck as we were trying to get to the airport. I got it running but we were leaving the house at the same time I was supposed to BE at the airport 30 miles (90 km) away.

Did I mention that ever since the Palm Springs show for ICAR, Two years ago, they have given me the extra “once over” in security at the airports. I always thought it was because of all the equipment. Well I found out differently today. I’m on some infamous “list from hell” and apparently they are really interested in getting who ever they think I resemble. Today I was asked if I minded the intimate search behind the glass screening are or did I want some privacy. He had no sense of humor about my answer either. All I know is the guy is really fond of his little magnetic sensing wand. I felt like I should have at least left with the guy’s number or something.

BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT ALL!

The RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) who hit my limo window to stop the driver as we negligently drove by him ignoring his explicit instructions was about to make my day even better. Then the limo driver seeing him turn and get the number and reach for his radio, pulls into a strip mall and waits for the RCMP to walk the ¼ block back to get to him. He could have easily driven through the parking lot and saved the guy the walk but no, then starts arguing with the RCMP officer.

BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT ALL!

The RCMP was getting really irritated with him, he starts in with, “You can ask my customer.” Did I mention that my driver was not only wrong, but also a bold face liar to the RCMP who only hit MY window because he dove out of my driver’s path. You probably don’t know this but I have never really traveled because I had seen a movie about an American tourist who got stuck in a Turkish prison having done something as simple as moving over near a window to examine a gem in the sunlight. So I have always been afraid of ending up in a foreign prison.

I don’t think I had taken more than a breath or two the rest of the trip to the hotel. We finally arrived at the hotel.

BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT ALL!

I say to him, “How much and I’ll need a receipt. He said fifty Dollars. I thought it was a little steep but I would have paid ten times that at this point just to get my stuff out of his trunk and walk away. He looked at me like, “Where’s the tip?” I looked at him like, “Where’s the defibrillator!” I got out of the limo to find that it had started to snow and rain mixed. It was a gentle reminder that I left my coat on the couch at home. Luckily, I like it like this and it was a light coat anyway.

I felt better when my other tech got their in one piece. Until I found out they have a flat $35 Canadian dollars fee from the airport to the hotel.

It somehow just served to point out the absurdity of the day.

I can’t wait to see how tomorrow shapes up. But wait! Tomorrows another day.

b

Author’s note: Ginsu is a company that sells knives on American TV. They tell you about their knives and offer them at ridiculously low prices. Just when you think the commercial is over they say, “But WAIT, that’s not all!” And they add something else to sweeten the deal. By the time the commercial is done, you have 2 sets of knives, a 24 foot yacht, a color TV and a Ferrari all for the one low price of $19.95 (US) So Ginsu in this context is a joke referring to the day that just keeps giving and giving.